How I met your daddy Ep6

It’s been such a long while! Life happened and a year went by so fast, I can’t even believe it! Time flies chale…. Let’s take a little trip down memory lane…. So Adjo and Kwame met in episode one, and in episode two we were introduced to Adjo’s twin boys. In episode 3 Adjo and Kwame went on their church date and after service her parents invited her to lunch at their home, which is not an uncommon thing with Seventh-Day Adventists. Am I the only one who thinks Adjo is catching feelings already? Let’s see how the story unfolds as we continue with tales from the Taylor’s household! New to the story? Read previous episodes here


Meanwhile in the Taylors’ bedroom……

Grandpa Taylor: Darling, do you think it’s a good thing we left our daughter with this young man? He seems nice but…….

Grandma Taylor: Hehehe. But what? They’ll have sex in the living room? When we are only 2 doors away? Relax, trust Adjo to know better, they’ll do it when we’re not at home.

“What do you mean by “they’ll do it when we’re not at home?” Grandpa Taylor asked. “No one is having sex with my little girl.”

“That’s what my father thought too, but we both know what happened.”

“Hahaha oh you! You know you seduced me right? I was a good boy.”

“You’re right, I did and I’ll do it again, right now.”

“Later darling, let’s read our sabbath school and prepare for church. It’s still sabbath you know.”

“Sabbath so no sex? You know you want it…. Grandma Taylor said and winked at Grandpa Taylor.”

Grandpa Taylor just smiled and pulled her close. As they lay there, all cuddled up, he thought of how lucky he was to have been married to this woman. This woman that was both so strong and soft and had given him a good and happy life. This woman that he fell for many years ago and was still so much in love with. He thought about the first time they met. It was in secondary school, some 43 years ago. He had always admired her from a distance but never had the guts to talk to her. He could never make that move, until they met again after University and now the rest is history. Their marriage hadn’t been always smooth. Like all other marriages, it was great in the beginning. However, as it progressed with time the differences in their character, habits and attitudes reared it’s head leading to never-ending arguments and fights. It didn’t really help matters that he was very soft spoken and she was vocal. It was one argument after another, and he constantly felt unheard and frustrated. But their love for each other kept them together. Even though at a point they didn’t know how to resolve their issues, he knew he didn’t want to lose her. It took time and a lot of effort but they worked it out. Now he has gotten so used to her antics that he just laughs it off. They still do argue though but time has taught them to be more matured about it.

Grandma Taylor : What are you thinking about?

Grandpa Taylor: Us, all that we’ve been through and how far we’ve come

Grandma Taylor: Hehehe we’ve come far ooh my dear. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting us to get past our 5th year of marriage. I remember when we were deciding what we would do when we start having kids. You wanted me to go live with mom and I  wanted her to come and stay with us for some time. I just couldn’t understand why you’d want us away from the house. I thought you didn’t want to spend time with me and our child and it drove me crazy! Hahaha.

Grandpa Taylor: I remember.  I on the other hand thought it would be more convenient for you.

Grandma Taylor: Hehehe it sure didn’t look like that to me at the time. Do you know one thing I appreciate about you most though T?

Grandpa Taylor: Tell me

Grandma Taylor: You never stopped talking to me. Regardless of how bad our arguments are, you would wake up the next day and still talk to me with respect even when I wasn’t over it yet. That always made me let go and get over it quickly.

Grandpa Taylor: Hehe, well how could I stop talking to you? Who else would brighten up my day like you do? And you also never withheld sex from me. In fact I think we have the best make up sex, don’t you think so?

Grandma Taylor: Yes yes, we do. 3y3 me d3 ntia nka wonnya.

Grandpa Taylor: Hahaha! Let’s get ready for the afternoon service. We shouldn’t be late.

Grandma Taylor: Let’s just lie here for 2 more minutes, just two

Darling please, I know you, 2 minutes will turn to 20 minutes. He said as he got up from the bed to put on his shirt. Go and tell Adjo and Kwame that we’ll be leaving in 10 minutes ok.

****To be continued****

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All child be child?

Friday

Where’s your child? he asked

She’s over there, washing dishes.

No, not her. Your other child. The male child. Where is he?

Oh him…He’s not here.

He’s not here? He didn’t come for the funeral?

Yes, he’s not here. She replied, looking annoyed.

On his face, you could tell he wasn’t satisfied with her answer. He stared at her quizzically. Then said; “Okay” and left.

Lamisi witnessed this interaction between this stranger and her mother on a hot afternoon in her grandfather’s compound. She and her family had traveled from Accra to Bawku for her late grandfather’s (father’s father) funeral. She was in the compound washing the never-ending dirty dishes from the first day of the funeral rites.

“Ah!” Which male child are they talking about? She soliloquised. Try as she could, she couldn’t figure it out because as far as she knew she was an only child. Perhaps she had a brother that she didn’t know about? She made a mental note to ask her mother why she had simply not told the man that there’s no male child. She also planned to tell the man off if he harassed her mother ever again.

Sunday

Lamisi was up early. Sweeping the compound and helping to get it ready for the last day of the funeral rites. She was filling the wheelbarrow with the refuse gathered so her cousin could go dump it. There came this man, same man from Friday.

Hey you, come here. He ordered.

What does this man want koraa? Lamisi said to herself?Good morning.

Good morning. She replied

Where is your brother? Where is he?

My brother?

Yes, your brother. Where is he?

You mean Kwaku? referring to her mother’s friend who so generously drove them all the way to the North. He’s asleep, she said.

No, not him. I mean your brother, your mother’s son?

My mother’s son? My mother doesn’t have a son.

You mean your mother didn’t give birth to a son?

Yes, she gave birth to me. Just me

Just you? okay and he walked away.

Lamisi felt uncomfortable. She didn’t like this man. This shabbily dressed man who asked too many unnecessary questions. He looked bad. His teeth looked like they had never been brushed. He looked unhealthy. Sickly. She disliked him.

She completed her chores and quickly went indoors to find her mother.

Ma, who’s that man?

Which man?

The one that was asking you about a son the other time?

Oh that one. Don’t mind him

Do you owe him a male child? Why does he keep coming here to ask questions?

Calm down and forget about him. He’s one of your father’s cousins.

Ah, he makes me uncomfortable. why does he keep asking about your son? Why did you tell him your son is not here the other day? Or I have a brother and I don’t know?

Calm down, you’re only a child. There are so many things you don’t understand.

Okay make me understand. I’m listening.

Hmmm Lamisi, your father’s family has always wanted a male child. In their culture they place high value on male children. They are considered heirs. If you had a brother, he would inherit your father’s property should anything happen to him. Now, if he doesn’t have a son, who do you think his properties would go to if, God forbid, he dies?

You and I?

No my dear. His family.

Ah, I don’t understand.

Thats how it works dear. It’ll go to his family

But you supported him to obtain all these things. The houses, the cars, you contributed, didn’t you?

Yes, I did. But do you think they care about that? To them, it’s all their brothers doing. My contribution is insignificant. Sad, but true.

So what? They’ll kill him and take the property? Is that why you told the man your son is not here? To protect him?

Kill him, I hope not. I pray not. But the heart of men my dear, one can never tell. So yes, I lie to protect him.

And what do you mean by “they place high value on male children?” All children are children? Am I not Dad’s child?

Yes you are my dear. But unfortunately they don’t think so. A woman might as well be barren than give birth to no male children.

Ah. This is fucked up!

Watch your words young woman!

Sorry Ma. I need to go fetch water to fill the barrels. Later!

As Lamisi left, she thought to herself… I’m human, I’m my father’s child. Same blood. I have a good education but I’m still not enough just because I’m a girl?

How I met your daddy Ep5

And we delivered! Not on time but delivered nonetheless. The story continues….budding love…..is Kwame ‘Annoying’ Asiedu even daddy at all? We’ll find out. Enjoy!

If you missed the previous episode read here How I met your daddy Ep4


I wanted to tell him how good he looked, how nice and fresh he smelt, instead I said “You don’t look bad yourself” and quickly asked if he found the directions to the church easy.

“Yes, I got an Uber, so it brought me straight here.”

“Oh OK” I said while staring at the Black sonata which I thought was his.

“Let’s go inside, service is about to start”

Inside the church, I got my purse and we moved to the middle seats in the 2nd column. The Joseph Bates SDA church wasn’t a big church. It had about 300 members on a regular Sabbath day. The church building itself was quite small and neat with dark brown pews arranged in 4 columns and a red carpet in the middle leading to the pulpit. As we sat down, I caught Grandpa’s eye, he gave Grandma a nudge and she looked at me and winked.

During the service, I could tell Annoying was really enjoying himself. He asked quite a lot of questions during Sabbath school. The Sabbath school lesson was on stewardship and the need to manage ones finances appropriately and as a banker he had some very good suggestions to give as well. There was a section of the lesson that suggested that debt is bad. But he was quick to explain that;

“It depends on the context within which one borrows or incurs debt. For example, to borrow money to fund a luxurious wedding that one can’t afford is definitely not wise but there is nothing wrong for an individual or a company to borrow money to expand a business as it has the potential to yield more returns that will be enough to pay the debt with surplus left as profit. Some companies even borrow as it comes with tax benefits.”

As we welcomed ourselves before divine service to the tune of I love this family of God, he gave me a warm hug first and went about shaking hands and greeting people as if he knew them! Grandma and Grandpa came over to shake and welcome him too. Grandma had this ‘we’ve got a lot to talk about’ look on her face as she hugged us. During the service, he commented on the robed deacons and deaconesses and how they collected the tithe and offering in such an orderly manner. He loved the songs and caught on quick to the hymns. At the start of every hymn he’d be silent but by the 3rd stanza he’d be singing along as if he’d been singing those hymns all his life.

Through it all, I was just looking at him with such admiration, his excitement excited me. He looked so at home and happy that for the first time in a long time I didn’t sleep a wink all through divine service. I listened to every word of the sermon!

Service ended at 12:25 and we filed out into the compound cum parking lot with the usual His and Hellos here and there. As we stood outside, I asked him if he enjoyed the service.

“I didn’t like it” He said

“Oh, you didn’t? I thought you were enjoying it?”

“I didn’t like it, I loved it!” He replied with a grin

“Hahaha, you’ve got jokes”

“I really loved it Adjo. I enjoyed the first discussion…the business study?”

“Hahaha, Sabbath school you mean”

“Yes, Sabbath school. I find it intriguing that a church would discuss such a topic during service. I thought churches were all about Jesus and Jesus only.”

“Well, we are indeed all about Jesus. His birth, death, resurrection and second coming. Everything. But the church takes care of its members too, as well as the talents and gifts Jesus or God has entrusted in our care. That’s why we learn about how to manage money even our diet and health too.”

“Oh really. That’s interesting”

“Which church do you attend?”

“Well, I was raised Presbyterian but I haven’t been to church in a while”

“Oh ok. Any particular reason why?”

My parents joined us before he could answer…

Grandpa: Hello, happy Sabbath young man as he shook him with both hands.

Adjo: Anno…Kwame, meet my parents. Mr & Mrs Taylor. Mum, Dad, my friend, Kwame.

Kwame: Hello Mr & Mrs Taylor. It’s a pleasure to meet you.

Grandma: The pleasure is ours. So you’re friends with Adjo?

Kwame: Yes please, we just met not too long ago.

Grandpa: Oh ok. Well we’re glad you joined us for church today.

Grandma: You should join us for lunch. We’ll be going home soon for lunch and return at 3pm for the afternoon service.

Kwame: Afternoon service? We just closed, you’ll be back again?

Adjo: Yeah, we meet from 3pm to 5:30pm…

..Yes, yes to discuss anything and everything. What’s on today darling? Grandma said

Grandpa: I think the Youth ministries are having a debate. If my memory serves me right then I think the subject is Social media and if it can be used to the benefit of the church.

Kwame: Wow, well I’d love to stay for lunch but only if Adjo doesn’t mind.

“Oh she doesn’t mind at all, let’s go.” Grandma said, held Kwame’s hand and led him to the car. Grandpa and I followed.

At home, we all sat at the Kitchen table having a conversation. I poured out glasses of Nak J Pineapple and Mango juice for everyone while reheating the rice and stew. Grandpa brought out the salad from the fridge and Grandma set the table with the help of Kwame.

Grandma: So where do you live?

Kwame: I live at East Legon. I share a flat with a couple of friends.

Grandpa: And your parents?

Kwame: My dad lives in Kumasi. My mom is late, she died of cancer when I was 10.

As Kwame spoke, I could see a sadness in his eyes. A sadness that had replaced the excitement that his eyes held early on. A sadness borne out of losing something one might never regain. I wanted to hold him, I wanted to rest his head on my chest, caress his head, give him comfort but I couldn’t possibly do that with my parents sitting there so I said;

“I’m so sorry to hear that Kwame.”

Grandpa: Be comforted Kwame. Have hope that on that glorious morn, you shall be reunited.

“Thank you Sir, He said and smiled at me. My grandmother lives with my dad though. She moved in to take care of us, my 3 other siblings and I, after mom’s passing.”

Grandma: Ooh that’s nice of her.

Kwame: She’s strong. My grandmother, very strong. She had to raise five boys, my dad inclusive. He was a mess after mom’s passing. We all were, but her strength and prayers kept us going and now here we are. My older brother works with PWC and my two other brothers are both in KNUST. One studying medicine and the other Communication Design. My Grandma still owns a stall in Kejetia, she’s the market Queen.

Grandma: Wow, sounds like a remarkable woman. I’d love to meet her some time.

Kwame: Hahaha, she’d be pleased to meet you too. This salad is really good. What’s the reddish stuff in it? I like it.

Grandpa: Adjo made it.

“Yes I did. It’s beetroot.” I said coyly.

Kwame: It’s really delicious. I’ll take another serving please.

Grandma: Help yourself my dear, they say a man with a big appetite is a man with a big heart.

Adjo: No one says that mum.

We all laughed.

After lunch grandma and grandpa retreated to their bedroom to rest a while before afternoon service while Kwame helped me clean the dishes.

“Thanks for lunch Adjo. Your salad was tasty, did you make the stew too?”

“Haha, thank you thank you. No, mom did.”

“Good cooks! I’ll come here everyday to eat. Have you seen that advert on TV.”

“Hahaha, yes the Gino rice advert with the mother-in-law”

“Yes that one. You should come visit me some time. I’d love to cook for you too”

“I hope by cooking you don’t mean boiling water and cooking rice in a rice cooker ooh.”

“You just wait till you taste my Banku and Okro stew”

“Eish, chef Annoying.”

“Hahaha, I kid you not. My grandma made sure we all learnt how to cook and clean so we could help around the house. At that time it really felt like corporal punishment but now that I look back she couldn’t have done it alone. It wouldn’t have been fair.”

“You really like your grandma, don’t you?”

“I love her to bits.”

“Aww, aren’t you sweet”

“Hahaha, I thought I was annoying?”

“Well you’re both. Sweet and Annoying.”

“Hahaha whatever you say shortie” Kwame said with a smile on his face as he wiped the dishes.

****See you next week*****

 

Love in Circles: An abuse of Pronouns.

He liked She
But She liked Him
And Him liked her
And Her was like whatever

Him was sad
Him told she
She listened, She comforted
She gave him all She time.

She gave all of it to Him and forgot about He. He just wanted a little bit, not much just a little bit of She’s attention.

But She didn’t even notice He, just like Her didn’t even notice Him

Then Her started noticing Him. Him got happy. Him didn’t need She anymore

She was hurt
He was also hurt
Was Him happy?

No
Because Her’s attention was like an on and off switch. Today Her had time for Him, tomorrow Her didn’t.

Him was sad again
So Him went to seek out She

But She was getting tired.
She was tired of being needed by Him only when Her was unavailable

So She didn’t let Him in anymore. No time and attention for Him.

He was also still seeking She, but She was too busy trying to get over Him.

Can you blame her?
Her doesn’t even know her’s involved in a cycle. A cycle of He likes She but She likes him and Him likes Her

Because Her was busy liking He, who was busy liking She, who was busy liking Him who was busy liking Her.

And round and round and round we go. Our generation. In our quest to give love and be loved.

The ones we like don’t like us, the ones that like us we don’t like, and when both of you like each other, something has to come and mess it up.

If you’ve got a love so strong and so sure, hold on tight.

If you’re looking maybe you should stop and look behind you. There may be someone waiting and looking for you.

And if you’re open to love, whenever it finds you, I hope it finds you ready.

Love, easy like Sunday Morning.

The end.

How I met your daddy Ep4

The story continues, here’s episode 3 if you missed it. How I met your daddy Ep3


After my encounter with Annoying at the bank, I walked back to the office, had lunch, continued work on the Ayitedo Upwind Project and completely forgot about him……until a number I didn’t recognise called me on Friday.

“Hello”

“Hello Adjo, this is Kwame”

“Kwame?”

“Yes Kwame, from the bank.”

“Kwame? From which bank, please?”

“Kwame Asiedu, from Commercial bank. We met on Wednesday.”

“Oh you. Hi. How are you?”

“I am very well thank you. Yourself?”

“I’m well too”

“I’m glad to hear. So you really do have short-term memory, don’t you? You couldn’t even tell it was me.”

“So you called to insult me eh”

“No, I called to ask you out on a date”

***silence****

“Hello, are you there?”

“Yes, I’m here”

“Okay, so I’d like to take you out on a date. Are you free tomorrow?”

“Erhmm I’m a bit busy, my Saturdays are busy”

“Oh ok. What do you do on Saturdays?”

“I go to church on Saturdays”

“Really? But church is on Sundays? Which church worships on saturday?”

“The Seventh Day Adventist Church, SDA”

“Oh wow. That’s new to me”

“Hehehe, Do you live under a rock? Adventists are everywhere.”

“Hehehe, well can I come?”

“Come where?”

“To church with you tomorrow”

In my head, I could hear that still small voice telling me that this could be an opportunity for evangelism, but I could also hear that other louder voice telling me it’s a bad idea to let a stranger come with me to church.

“Sure, you can come” I said with uncertainty

“Great! What’s the location?”

“It’s the Joseph Bates SDA. It’s adjacent the Heritage Hotel at Adenta. I will text you the Ghana Post GPS address.”

“Thank you, see you tomorrow Adjo.”

“See you”

****Call ends****

“Eish chale! So you go follow woman go church morrow?” said one of Kwame’s colleagues at work.

“You no go come wona games?” said another.

“Chale, I dey want baptise sef” Kwame replied.

“So you really dey go church sake of woman. Herhh this one de3 you fall deep ooh.”

“So what dey the woman ein body, wey e make you babahaze so?

“Ma guy, you no go bab. There’s just something about that girl.” Kwame replied

*****Meanwhile in Adjo’s office, Adjo was busy freaking out.*****

“Ah what have I done? Why did I say he could come koraa? I don’t even know the guy well and he’s already going to meet my parents. What am I going to wear?”

“Relax dear. He’s only coming to church, not for knocking rites* with his kinsmen. You should wear the same dress you’ve already ironed. You look good in everything.” said that still small voice of reason in my head. But the other louder voice said “Sister, I told you. You should call him and tell him you’ll be sick tomorrow so he shouldn’t come.”

I laughed at myself. I couldn’t believe I was stressing myself over this situation. I calmed myself down and got back to work. Even though I acted like I wasn’t looking forward to seeing him, I kept glancing at the clock every now and then and as soon as it was 5pm, I took my bag and went straight home to prepare for Sabbath.

That saturday morning, I woke up early, even before my mother! Grandma came into the kitchen and had the shock of her life! I had already heated the stew, boiled rice and made salad for lunch. I had also made breakfast and was about to set the table.

“Eei what am I seeing? Adjo, where did I sleep today?”

“Oh Ma, Good morning”

“Just a second” Grandma said as she shouted for Grandpa to come and tell her if she was seeing right.

“Darling, is this not the same woman I literally have to drag out of bed every saturday morning?”

“Hehehe Adjo must have seen Jesus in her dream today. He must have told her the world will be ending soon” Grandpa Taylor said teasingly when he joined them in the kitchen.

“Oh daddy, you too. I just thought I’d do something nice for you two today.”

“But it’s not our birthday.” said Grandma Taylor.

“Yes ma, it’s not. You sit. I’ll serve breakfast so we can eat and get to church early. We can’t miss today’s Calvary Hour.”

“Honey, she said calvary hour ooh. Adjo wants to go for prayers today! Wonders shall never end.”

We had breakfast and got ready for church. We all left together in Grandpa’s not-so-brand-new Kia Sorento. In the car, I double checked to see if I had sent the right Ghana Post GPS address to Kwame. The text read;

Hi Kwame, the address is Joseph Bates SDA, GA-017-9260. Church starts at 9am. Don’t be late. Now as I read it, I thought maybe I should have added “See you soon” or something to make it a bit less formal. And why did I say don’t be late, as if I was always early?!

We got to church and I sat at the back, while mom and dad sat in the front. At 8:59am I got a text from Kwame saying he had arrived and I quickly went out to usher him in. I saw him in the parking lot leaning against a black Sonata. He looked nice, really nice in his African print shirt, black trousers and black suede shoes. He held a Bible in his left hand with his other hand in his pocket. He was actually much taller than I remembered. As I got closer I noticed how handsome he was with his neat haircut and well trimmed beard. I was really beginning to doubt it was him. But He saw me coming, smiled and spread his arms to give me a hug. As we hugged he said “Wow shortie, you look awesome” And right then I knew it was really him…

****See you next week****


*knocking rites- A pre-marital rite in Ghana, done as a formal introduction between the groom’s family and the brides family.

How I met your daddy Ep3

Aside Adjo Taylor,the main character, we have met Rainbow Gyan the security guard and Auntie Araba the fruit lady in episode one, Kwame “Annoying” Asiedu in episode 2 ,and in this episode we will meet some very interesting characters. Enjoy!


“Ewuraba s)re n’ade akye!”*

“Oh maaaaa”

“Wake up young woman, I don’t have time for your shenanigans this morning!”

“Just 5 more minutes p3, pleeassee!”

“I don’t understand you sometimes, why do we always go through this?”

“Me too I don’t understand you, why do you always do this?”

“Herh, is it me, your mother, that you’re talking to like that?”

“Oh Maaa, please let me sleep small la”……

This was what ensued between your Grandma and I every Saturday morning. It would go on and on until one of us won. Well, she won all the time. She would turn on the lights and yank my blanket off and I would grudgingly get out of bed to help her make breakfast and set the table. We always had breakfast together; Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle KT and me. After which we all got ready and left for sabbath service at the Joseph Bates Seventh Day Adventist Church.

“Oh Ma paa, you sound like you were a lazy girl growing up ooh.” said Kakra teasingly, as he lay face up on the purple couch in the living room.

“Yes, yes, if grandma always had to wake you on sabbath then I think you were not only lazy but na womp3 as)re k)*, Panyin added, sitting legs crossed, yoga style.

“Yet, she will always give us pressure, do this, don’t do that” Kakra replied

Adjo: “Hahaha, whether I was lazy or not, neither of you are allowed to be lazy in this house. Never. You hear?”

Kakra: “Yh, we know we know”

Panyin: “That’s why we’re moving out of the house when we turn 18.”

Kakra: “Sharp koraa.”

Panyin: “We have 5 more years to go.”

“Let the count down begin! ” Kakra said as he gave Panyin a fist bump.

“Look at you, you two are funny. You will be day students in high school. You’ll only leave this house after your first degree” said Adjo teasingly.

Kakra: “Ei Ma. We’ll travel from Accra to Cape coast everyday?”

Adjo: “Cape coast? I thought you wanted to go to Accra Aca like your Uncle KT.”

Panyin: “Naah, we’ll go to Augusco, like Dad.”

Adjo: “Awww, really. You’ve been bent on going to Accra Academy, what changed? Wait, did he bribe you?”

Kakra: “Oh Bribe paa”

Panyin: “There’s no corruption in this house”

Kakra: “Say no to Nyantakyism.”

Adjo: “Hahahaha. Talking about Nyantakyi, maybe one of you can study journalism and grow up to be a journalist like Anas ooh.”

Panyin: “Hahaha, no thank you.”

Adjo: “Why not?”

Panyin: “We can’t keep these handsome faces hidden from the world.”

… “and the girls” Kakra said with a wink as he gave Panyin a high 5.

Adjo: “Ooh Awurade.😂😂😂 Ei what happened to your crush? I haven’t seen her in a while.”

Panyin: “Mansa. Kakra likes her pa pa.”

Kakra. “Komot. As if I don’t catch you stealing glances at Akua in the Teens Sabbath school class.”

Panyin: “True. I like Akua, it doesn’t change the fact that you like Mansa.”

Kakra: “Chale, I like her paa ooh Ma. She’s gone to her grandparents for the holidays. But she’ll be back soon.”

For a brief moment, Adjo looked at her children with fond admiration. She did that often. Staring at them, thanking God for giving her exactly what she had been praying for since JHS1; beautiful and intelligent twins. Their gender, she left to God, she just wanted twins. Adjo marveled at how her twins were so different and yet alike in many ways. From their facial features to attitudes and interest. Panyin was calm and reserved while Kakra was loud and outgoing. Panyin liked art and music while Kakra liked sports. At times, she thought of their birth. When they were born, Panyin just gave a short sigh as if he just needed to show he wasn’t dumb but didn’t have a need to announce his arrival. Kakra on the other hand cried. The little thing cried as if he wanted the whole world to know he has landed and to compensate for Panyin’s silence as well. And now they were 13 and having crushes on girls.  How time flies……..

Adjo: “Well you two better not do anything silly with these girls. You must respect them and treat them well.”

Kakra: “Yes Ma, we’ve had the talk. We remember.”

Adjo: “I can repeat the sex talk whenever I want young man.”

Panyin: “In summary, no sex until marriage.”

Adjo: “You know there’s more to it than just sex right.”

Kakra: “Yes we know Ma. I’m hungry ooh. Anyone else?”

Adjo: “Food, good way to change the topic.”

Panyin: “Hahahaha, I found this recipe I’d like to try.”

Kakra: “The-no-oil-okro-stew-recipe? It looked good mmom but no oil de33.”

Adjo: “Let’s try it then. I’m on chopping* duty, Kakra on Banku*, Panyin the stew is yours to make.”

“Aye Aye captain!” they both said.

They all got up and made their way to the kitchen.

Panyin turned on the radio in the kitchen and tuned it to Hitz FM. They were playing Drake’s “Doing it wrong.”

Panyin: “You should continue the story of you and Mr annoying.”

Kakra: Yes, did you two see each other again?

Adjo: “Who?”

Panyin: “Mr Annoying la”

Adjo: Oh yes yes, Mr Annoying………….

To be continued in episode 4.


*Ewuraba, s)re n’ade akye – Young lady, wake up the sun is out.

*na womp3 as)re k) – You didn’t like going to church.

*chopping – eating

*Banku- A Ghanaian dish made from a mixture of corn dough and cassava dough.

 

How I met your daddy Ep2

The story continues. We will call this episode the “The ATM saga”. Enjoy


“Our ATM has what?”
“Your ATM has swallowed my card. It won’t come out, my money too hasn’t come out.” 
“Hahaha”
“Ah, you think it’s funny?”
“Sorry ma’am. Come with me to the ATM. It has probably come out now”
I followed him to the ATM with my eyes shooting daggers in his back. But true to his words, it was out.
“See, it does that sometimes, we apologise for the inconvenience. Do you want to try another transaction?”
“Yes please, but go back a bit so you don’t see my password”
“Haha, of course”
I completed my transaction and this time both card and cash came out easily.
“Ah! So why didn’t it work the first time?”
“You see, that thing there, that’s the camera. It probably couldn’t see you, that’s why.”
“Are you saying, I’m short?”
“No, you said it yourself. I only said the camera couldn’t see you.”
“Is annoying customers part of your training?”
“Hahaha you’re funny. I told you my name, so what’s yours?”
“I’m Adjo.”
‎”Just Adjo?”
‎***rolling my eyes*** “Adjo Taylor”
‎”Interesting name, Adjo is Ewe and Taylor is Fante, right?”
‎”Yes, Ewe mom, Fante Dad.”
‎”That’s cool.”
‎”Sorry, what’s your name again. I don’t remember”
‎”I see you have short term memory too”
‎ “Oh I remember it now, it’s Annoying.”
‎”Hahaha, my name is Kwame Asiedu.”
‎ “Yep, Kwame Annoying Asiedu”
‎” You have your phone right, dial this number”
‎”Why?”
‎”Just dial it for me, please”
I keyed in the number unwillingly, as he called them out. I dialed it and gave the phone to him.
‎He took the phone, listened for a second and hanged up.
‎”Ah, I thought you wanted to make a call?”
‎”No, that’s my number, now I have yours”
‎”Hahaha, is that how guys get girls’ numbers these days?”
‎”Hehehe, you’re nice. I’ll call you”
‎At this point I’m a bit shook by how straightforward he is. “I have to get back to work” I said
‎”I should get back to work too, see you soon.”
‎”Oh no, I’m not coming back here to use this ATM ever again”
‎”I think you’ll be back”

****To be continued on Sunday****

How I met your daddy Ep1

Welcome to the very first series told on Tala’s Tales! Warning- Lots of Twi Words ahead! Enjoy, regardless.


It was a Wednesday morning. I remember it was a Wednesday because Mr Gyan the Door man cum security guard was in his blue shirt.

My Rainbow Gyan as I affectionately called him wore a different coloured shirt for each day of the week; White for Monday, yellow for Tuesday, blue for Wednesday, red for Thursday and green for Friday. This he paired with a black neck tie, neatly ironed black trousers and well polished black shoes.
I had been working with the Tidal Engineering Company for close to 8 months and through all that time, My Rainbow Gyan had been consistent with his colours; never missing nor mixing. He was in his early fifties and bubbly and bright as his shirts but there was also a calmness and warmth to him that we all loved.

So I got to work that morning and as usual you-know-who was there to open the door and welcome me with a smile.
“Good morning Ms Taylor, you’re here earlier than usual today.”
” My Rainbow Gyan! Yes ooh, no traffic today, that’s why.”
“Oh fine fine, I hope your parents are in good health.”
“They are by God’s grace, you know vegetarians don’t get ill easily.”
“Hahaha, they’re blessed with long life and prosperity. I tap into it, in Jesus’ name.”
“Hahaha receive it in Jesus’ name.”
“Y3mm) y3n nsem ma Chaisos eh” as he claps.
“Oh Rainbow wo be ku me, ma me nk) wae. We’ll meet at lunch.” **amidst laughter**
“Have a productive day Ms Taylor.”
“Thanks Rainbow”.

In my office, I turn on the lights and open the windows to let in some fresh air. I turn on the radio to listen to the Citi breakfast show and they’re talking about the Trasaco residents who have rallied together to fund the repair and construction of roads in their community.

I think it’s remarkable, and that mafia part of my mind thinks they should even put a toll on it when it’s completed.

However Jay, one of the panelists on the citi breakfast show thinks otherwise. She thinks if some citizens, wealthy citizens who can afford to provide their own amenities like hospitals, roads, electricity etc are allowed to do so then what will happen to the poor?

‘Then the government will have much less people to cater for. ‘ I think to myself.
But Jay goes on to say “That means the poor will still live in underdeveloped communities. And what if these wealthy ones decide to stop paying their taxes since they are providing their own amenities, then which money will the government use to provide such things for the poor?”
I get her point and I begin to agree with her. ‘Oh well’ I say to myself and turn on the computer.

I hear a knock on the door….
” Yesss, come in”
“Adjo, 3y3 ame ooh, Auntie Araba.”
“Oh Auntie Araba bra mu”
“Ei, 3na W’ay3 sweet d3ma yi”
“Auntie Araba nie, medaase”
“Me se me de me ba boy no b3ma w’aware, what do you say? Me nya wo as me in-law a, m’ani b3gye paa. Me grandchildren ho b3y3 f3.”
“Hahaha, oh Auntie Araba, saa.”
“I am dead serious. M’ani w’abere paa”
“Hahaha yoo Mepawoky3w m’ate. Y3 b3 ka ho as3m akyire. 3n3 w’anfa fruits amma?”
“Adjo de, dabiara saa; same story everyday. Yoo m’ate. Fruits w) H) m’ewuraba. Me be bisa wo de3 wo p3.”
“Mepawoky3w ma me mango ne pawpaw ne apple kakra. 3y3 a m’ano nn))so ooh.”
“Yoo m’ate. Me de b3ba seisei ara”
As Auntie Araba exits my office to go bring my order, I check my purse to take out the 5ghc to pay her. That’s when I notice I have only 10ghc left in my purse so I make a mental note to go to the nearest ATM for some cash.

At lunch time, I got my purse and decided to drive to the nearest CAL bank sekof free ATM service. But I change plans and walk to the old UT bank, now turned Ghana Commercial bank instead. I hate walking and the sun is blazing but for whatever reason I go anyway. I insert my ATM card and follow the prompts. I stand there waiting for the cash but nothing comes out, my card too remains stuck in it. I try again, the ATM makes that counting-money sound but nothing comes out. I start to panic a bit so I go inside to seek help. Inside the bank I walk straight to the first lady I see under the customer service sign.

“Good afternoon, please your ATM has swallowed my card.”
“Sorry about that, see the gentleman over there”
I turn and walk towards him. Our eyes meet and he’s looking at me in an unusual way.
“Hi, my name is Kwame, how may I help you”
“Hi, your ATM has swallowed my card”
“Our ATM has what?”
“Your ATM has swallowed my card. It won’t come out, my money too hasn’t come out.”

***To be continued****

The shit Convo.

This is an actual conversation I had with a friend one sunny Friday afternoon. Enjoy!


PK: Mbama, you see that man in the car over there…..

Mbama: Yh

PK: His name is Alhaji. He’s super rich, he owns a public toilet in Labadi*.

Mbama:Ei

PK: Erhh. He’s always happy when people are having parties in his area. He even encourages them to eat more and mix mix the drinks

Mbama:***laughing so hard, holding her ribs*****

PK: Yes ooh, because he knows the next day business will boom. 50pesewas* per shit. Isn’t it lots of money?

Mbama: It is ooh. How much is just 100 shits per day?

PK: But I don’t understand why people will build a house, build a kitchen, build a bedroom, build a bathroom and leave out a toilet. I don’t understand.

Mbama: Me neither. Where’s the wisdom in that?

PK: Then they’ll go and shit at the beach and desecrate the ocean!

Mbama: Ah! Issa sad distin!

PK: Maybe our fore fathers thought they were being wise…

Mbama: And saving money perhaps, but I think we can conclude that building a house without a toilet is madness.

PK: Yh…

Mbama: Now Alhaji is making money!

PK: I tell you. Just look at his car.

Mbama: If I lived in Labadi, I’d shit wisely

The end
OR
To be continued?


*Labadi- A suburb of Accra, Ghana.

*pesewas- The smallest denomination of the Ghanaian Cedi

Heartbreak by Popcorn

There’s this popcorn at Madina that I’ve always wanted to try. 2 guys and their popcorn machine on a table and it smells so good!

It’s not a joke, you can smell the popcorn from a 100-metres-and-even-more-away.

I noticed this joint last year and I’ve wanted to try it ever since.

However, there are always too many people buying it and I never have the time nor patience to wait that long.
I came close to buying some a few weeks back. There were just 4 people standing there. So I told myself, I said self, “This is the day the Lord has made, you shall eat popcorn and be glad today”. Only to wait for the popcorn to finish popping and one woman bought all of it! All of it ooh.. Hmm. I never bore, I just left and went to get a car home.

But today, today!!!! I got down from the troski and from a distance I noticed the popcorn stand. And behold! There was no one standing there. Charlie, my heart just did a cartwheel, my stomach flipped for joy! I just knew this would be the day I finally get what I’ve been wanting and desiring for one whole year!

So I quickened my steps, with my eyes on the prize, only to get there and be told by one of the young men that “aka salt p3 ooh”. Salted popcorn s3n?

My heart just broke


Madina- A town in Accra, Ghana.

troski- Ghanaina pidgin word for bus.

“aka salt p3”- Only salt left 

Salt Popcorn s3n?- Why would I eat salted popcorn?